martian lizard

FADE IN:

EXT. FACTORY – DAY

Open to exterior of factory. The movement of the camera is in long slow sweeping arcs from left to right. 

We hear the rhythmic pulse of machines. Bump, bump, bump, like a heartbeat. The cuts get a beat shorter with each sweep.

INT. FACTORY FLOOR – DAY

Men walking into work in tight packs. 

Men doing dull repetitive. 

Laughing, standing about drinking coffee and sharing jokes.

Three men in overalls work separately at machines, one, the team leader, SOUNDSLIKE, is filling out a factory quiz. He stops writing and looks up.

SOUNDSLIKE

Tone? 

(louder) 

TONE?

TONY snaps back his eyes flickering.

TONY

What?

SOUNDLIKE

Lightbulb just asked you a question.

TONY

(sighing) 

What?

LIGHTBULB

The names of the original Magnificent Seven..?

TONY

What? I dunno… It doesn’t matter.

ANGRY HEAD

Course it fucking matters.

LIGHTBULB

Yeah. We’re stuck on two. We got Yul, McQueen, Coburn, Bronson and Robert Vaughn. Need two more. Any ideas?

TONY

Fuck. No. I don’t know. I don’t care. Shut up.

SOUNDSLIKE

Fucking hell Tony, what’s the matter with you? Just a bit of fun to pass the time.

TONY

That’s just it. Time doesn’t pass. It stands still. The same fucking thing every day. Every night. The same shit over and over. It’s monotonous, it’s boring, it’s shit.

He looks to them for agreement but they stare blankly ahead.

TONY (CONT’D)

(quieter) 

Well it fucking is.

He goes back to working.

SOUNDSLIKE

It is… But. You just get used to it. You Will get used to it.

TONY

(whisper) 

That’s just it I don’t want to.

ANGRY HEAD

Fuck Tone, you’ve only been here five minutes and you’re whinging.

TONY

(muttering) 

Eight fucking months.

LIGHTBULB 

The first five years are the worst.

SOUNDSLIKE

Tone, seriously, you’ve got to chill out. Stop thinking too much. We’ve all got to be here. The job’s not hard and we get paid as well.

He hugs Tony’s shoulders until he get a smile.

SOUNDSLIKE (CONT’D)

So we might as well have a laugh. Turn in, tunes on. And…

ALL

Fucking switch off!

Even Tony reluctantly, but he does not want to drop it just yet.

TONY

I know but… The same repetition. Every shift the same. 

(to the roof with a tool) 

Not knowing if it’s night or day. I… I… I just don’t know how you can do it.

SOUNDSLIKE

Sounds like someone needs to have a wank and just chill out. 

Tony grins but it doesn’t last long. 

SOUNDSLIKE (CONT’D)

You just get used to it. We’ve all been there. And you just do.

An idea forms in his mind.

LIGHTBULB

We could send him…

Angry Head flashes him a look that shuts him up.

TONY

What? Send me where?

Soundslike still thinking.

TONY

Just tell us.

LIGHTBULB

The Wizard. Send him to the Wizard.

Tony’s face falling a little because for a second he actually thought somebody might be able to help.

TONY

Porn? From the porn guy? Look, I don’t need po…

SOUNDSLIKE

Not him. Another guy. You don’t know him. He’s through The Wall. 

TONY

And?

SOUNDSLIKE

He can help you.

TONY

Help me what?

SOUNDSLIKE

Feel better.

Tony pauses looking at their faces in turns still unsure if it’s a wind-up.

TONY

Did he help you?

SOUNDSLIKE

Yes.

TONY

You? 

To Angry Head who nods reluctantly.

LIGHTBULB

Everyone sees the Wizard.

SOUNDSLIKE

Everyone here needs help. Now and then.

LIGHTBULB 

He does tricks.

ANGRY HEAD

Shut up you tit!

TONY

So what now? Where’s he? Here? Do I need an appointment?

SOUNDSLIKE

Go. Just go now.

Looks for a pen and something to write on and scribbles something down.

TONY

Now? 

(checking time) 

It’s not break for another hour and a half.

SOUNDSLIKE

Don’t worry about that. Here. 

(passes the paper over) 

There’s the directions, just follow the stanchions. Just go.

TONY

What about the job?

SOUNDSLIKE

Don’t worry, we’ll cover.

He moves off still worried about leaving his post mid-shift, turning back after a few seconds.

TONY

If this is a wind-up I’ll see me arse. It’s not no fucking “glass hammers” and “long weight” shit is it?

SOUNDSLIKE

It’s not.

All three of them look earnest. The FOREMAN walks up looking at his watch. 

FOREMAN

Where do you think you’re going? It’s not Blow Time yet.

Tony looks worried. 

SOUNDSLIKE

It’s alright. He’s off to see the Wizard.

FOREMAN

Oh okay, off you go then.

He waves him off with his pen and jabs it at the others to get back to work, then walks off.

Tony walks a little bit further but turns back again. They’re all grinning, watching him.

LIGHTBULB

Get him to do some magic.

ANGRY HEAD

Good luck Dorothy.

SOUNDLIKE

Yeah, follow the yellow brick road.

LIGHTBULB

(Singing badly) 

He’s off to see the Wizard.

They all join in singing and soon the whole factory joins in and they all fall about laughing. 

Tony heads off through The Wall which is just a black square doorway. It’s like he’s entering a cave on some quest.

INT. A DARKER PART OF THE FACTORY – AS NIGHT

Tony comes through the other side of The Wall. It is darker here. An absence of people but noisier because there are more machines here. 

He follows the yellow pedestrian traffic lines. 

He stops once to ask directions. An old guy directs him to some metal stairs.

He finds the right stanchion and holding the piece of paper looks up to see that it matches his instructions. 

P9 and three quarters. The three quarters has been added in sloppy paint. 

TONY

Nine and Three Quarters. Very amusing.

He crumples the piece of paper and throws it away in disgust.

To his left a door in the shadows creaks open. A strip of light reveals a room and a shape shuffling about inside. 

He edges forward and sees an Old Man tinkering in a workshop. 

The Old Man framed in the light has a big cigar in his mouth and is going through the motions of looking for a light. 

He pats his breast pockets theatrically. 

Then being unable to find any matches he lights the cigar with his thumb and puffs merrily away on it. 

Tony’s eyes widen. 

A metal CLANG somewhere off in the factory. 

He looks to the sound of the noise. When he looks back the Old Man has moved out of the frame. 

He edges closer towards the door, rapping lightly as he pushes it further open.

INT. THE WIZARD’S WORKSHOP - NIGHT

The old guy tinkers without turning or looking up from what he is doing.

THE WIZARD

Hello. 

TONY

Hello? Hi. Er, hello. Yeah, I’m looking for the Wizard.

WIZARD

You found him. Come in I won’t bite.

Tony edges all the way in. He stands looking about the workshop.

The WIZARD finally stops and turns round.

WIZARD (CONT’D)

Well? What can I do for you?

TONY

Tony. Just Tony.

WIZARD

Well Tony, what can I do for you? 

The Wizard sits down but continues to stare at him.

TONY

I dunno. The lads said to come and see you. Said you could help me.

WIZARD

With what?

TONY

I dunno. This place. Me. Look, I hate it here. It’s driving me mental. I…

WIZARD

Then leave. It’s not a prison. Walk out the gate and go do something else.

TONY

I can’t.

WIZARD

Can’t or won’t?

TONY

Me and Angie have just bought a house and we’re trying for a kiddy and…

WIZARD

I can’t help you Tony.

TONY

Can’t or won’t.

WIZARD

Hmmph! I said it wasn’t a prison. But we create our own prisons. Haven’t you not learned that already? What do you really expect me to do?

TONY

I dunno, help? Advice? 

WIZARD

Wave my little magic wand and make it all better.

TONY

Well yeah.

WIZARD

Sorry can’t help you.

TONY

Tell you what, forget it. I’m out of here. Fuck I don’t even know why I came down here in the first place. 

WIZARD

They come for the wisdom of the wise.

The Wizard does an impressive flourish with his hands.

WIZARD (CONT’D)

But they stay, for the magic.

TONY

Look, I’m going. You’re just some lonely nutter whose been down here on his own for too long.

WIZARD

Tell you what, I’ll show you a trick. I bet that’s what they said. Your friends, that sent you down here. I bet they said, “Get him to show you a magic trick.”

TONY

Yeah, that’s right.

WIZARD

Go on, what harm could it do?

The old guy spreads the card out in a fan, face down, on the table.

WIZARD (CONT’D)

Forgive the cliché but, “Pick a card”.

Tony teases one out but leaves it on the table without turning it. The old guy turns back round.

WIZARD (CONT’D)

The Eight of Spades.

TONY

I haven’t even looked yet.

WIZARD

It doesn’t matter. It’s still the Eight of Spades.

Tony turns the chosen card over, it is indeed the Eight of Spades.

TONY

So how you do it? What are they, all the Eight of Spades?

Tony makes to turn the rest of the pack over but the old guy’s next words stop him.

WIZARD

That would be a trick. An illusion. Where’s the fun? Where’s the magic?

TONY

So how is it done?

WIZARD

Bah! Where’s the trap-door? Where’s the strings? Does it matter? Don’t you remember what it was like when you were a kid? It was all about that wonder. You didn’t care how it was done. You just pissed your pants at the belief it could happen. If you’re forever looking to see how it’s done you lose that sense of awe. Sheer wonderment. Remember?

TONY

It wasn’t that impressive. And any way what’s wrong with wanting to know how shit’s done? Speaking of which, just before I came in you were looking for a match, did I see you..?

WIZARD

Nothing wrong with that I suppose. Except waste time and brain space. Some things don’t need explaining. They just are. Miracles happen all the time and you don’t need them explaining. The sun rises, babies are born and men like me and you work all the long good day in shitty thankless jobs. Is it all an illusion or magic? It’s up to you.

Tony ponders this for a moment.

TONY

So what you’re saying is that how I feel when I’m here is basically down to me and not this place? And I, only I can change that? Simple as that?

WIZARD

Yup.

He turns them over. They are all the Eight of Spades. 

TONY

Sounds like bullshit. A couple of party tricks and a pseudo David Blaine philosophy. Some wannabe Alistair Crowley isn’t gonna cut it with me. That may work with the rest of the brain dead morons in here but not me.

WIZARD

You’re smarter.

TONY

Fucking A!

WIZARD

You know best.

TONY

I’m out of here.

THE WIZARD

Drop by anytime.

Tony looks at him a moment. 

The old guy holds his gaze. Then feeling that there is nothing more to say he turns to storm out.

TONY

Fraud.

WIZARD

There was one more thing. I wonder if you would mind looking at this before you go.

TONY

What now?

He turns, The Wizard is holding his hand out. It’s empty but Tony is concentrating on the guy’s face.

WIZARD

This.

At first his palm is empty. Tony goes to protest but The Wizard shushes him. 

A tiny white spark appears an inch above his palm. It grows quickly to the size of a tennis ball. 

TONY

It’s beautiful.

It disappears, winking suddenly out. 

Tony only snaps back when the old guy CREAKS back into his chair.

TONY

What the hell just happened? What the hell was that?

WIZARD

Magic. I’ll see you around then.

He waves him off. Tony almost stumbles backwards. 

TONY

(whisper) 

Yeah, sure.

Tony walks off in mild shock. 

INT. FACTORY FLOOR – DAY

The lads wait with grins and questions. 

He says nothing but picks up his tools and begins to work. Soundslike shushes the others.

SOUNDSLIKE

You okay?

TONY

Yeah, fine. Thanks.

Soundslike leaves him to it. He is now working with a new vigour and unable to stop smiling.

TONY

Brad Dexter and Horst Buckholz.

LIGHTBULB

What?

TONY

That’s the answer to the quiz. They played the other two in The Magnificent Seven. Dexter was Harry Luck and Buckholz played Chico.

ANGRY HEAD

Are you sure?

TONY

Yup.

LIGHTBULB

He’s fucking right and all. Get it written.

Soundslike fills in the answers. They all LAUGH.

FADE OUT.